the day i met her was the day i fell in love. my entire life changed within an instant. and i knew it; I knew my life would never be the same. and i didn’t care.

the day we lost her was like nothing i would wish on anyone. it was a cold tuesday in January, and i was driving home when the phone call came. I pulled to the side of the road and vomited, dry heaved, and cried for more than hour. a family member had to come pick me up and deliver me home.

afterwards, as the days passed, i became aware of how my body had naturally taken over for my soul….although i no longer wanted to go on, my body would carry me until my spirit could catch back up. 

she was five when it happened, and although she is now with me again, the loss of a child, for any reason, is difficult to put into words.

simple things- like my circle of friends- soon were no longer existent….for those friends were at a loss of what to say. holidays were unbearable- i limped through Easter and then called my father- i’d make it through the little holidays, but he was going to have to come up with a solution for thanksgiving, because i was unable to do it for myself. he rose to the occasion, thankfully.

in March, i was in DC for my youngest brother’s wedding, and my stepsister asked a casual question about the child. we were in the restaurant restroom, and i crumpled to the floor, my cheek resting on the cold, hopefully clean, white marble.

As mentioned, she’s now home, and she complains i hug her too hard. yes, i’m sure i do.



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