ever have those moments when you realize what a jackass you’ve been?
i have been so wrapped up in my self that I’ve let down so many people.
two years ago, I was better at juggling things- better at saying, “no….” and truth be told, my life was waaaaay easier….that was when i saw the kid on weekends, as opposed to pretty much raising her; and when i wasn’t daily thinking about my parents’ needs, such as what to cook for them to ensure they eat. seriously, if i weren’t here, the ‘rents would live on fiber bars….add chocolate and diet cokes for mom.
two years ago, I’d never been to a PTO meeting, much less chair the school’s annual fundraiser.
two years ago, i was someone you’d want to be friends with….
But, I forget. i forget that things have changed and that even the act of committing can be overwhelming. and that i let people down.
i don’t think i’ve been like this until recently….it’s a coping mechanism to prioritize and i don’t realize i do it….but, yeah, I’ve closed down shop even though the sign says open.
so, if you hear I’m a jerk, yeah, maybe I am….but, I think the really stand-up person just lost her way for a moment, so please give me a little time….