Jiving Five

living with my parents has been quite the adjustment. there is a give-take involved that we are all still getting used to….

my stepfather, age 85, has been to the ER five times since October. i’ve either taken him or followed afterwards. i simply call ahead now and tell the hospital we’re on the way, and someone is waiting outside with a wheelchair. it’s rather like fast food for the infirmed….also, one of the benefits of living in a small town. it’s gotten to the point that often I’ll order a pizza for us in triage, and an extra for the ER staff….they like the vegetarian with extra black olives. 

in between these ER visits, i came home one night to find my stepfather on the floor in the kitchen. the following conversation ensued:

Me: what happened??!

Him: clearly, i fell.

Me: yes, but, what happened? 

Him: i was letting the dog in.

Me: well, gosh, don’t let the dog out anymore. she’ll be fine until we get home.

Him: i didn’t let her OUT, i let her IN.

Me: okay, well, who let her out?

Him: oh, i did that, too.

Me: (takes a deep breath in)….so, uh, where’s that, “Help me, I can’t get up,” necklace thing you’re supposed to wear?

Him: it’s in my room.

Me: why?

Him: i don’t need it.

Me: this is the third time you’ve fallen, you do need it.

Him: yes, but it’s only the FIRST time since i got the necklace.

my mother, too, is having some growing pains with the fact they may actually need me in the house. example A:

Her: you know, I’ve been thinking….perhaps you didn’t get that job A because you’re living with us and it looks like you’re not as responsible as they’d like.

Me: (nodding head slowly and waiting a beat for timing)….yeah, yeah, that could be it. OR, perhaps I didn’t get it because they already had someone in mind. cause I’m betting I look like a daughter who’s moved in to help out her elderly parents. 

note to readers: that did not go over well.

my mother is an artist and grocery shopping is the farthest thing from her mind, unless she’s buying rotisserie chicken or cigarettes. on the flip side, my stepfather uses those caveman-hunting skills to snag the best bargain ever. forget that none of us will eat/use the product, it was on sale, damn it. currently, he has more than 15 new packages of razors in his sock drawer. yes, i counted. yes, i took some and are now using them to shave my legs, sue me.

it is practically slaying the man that I am now the one doing the shopping. it is practically slaying me, as well. 

Him: where are you going?

Me: i’m running to Kroger to get some cilantro.

Him: i need you to pick up a few things…hold on a moment.

a half an hour later, he hands me a list with, i kid you not, twenty items listed. he then must review the list with me to ensure i have the proper understanding of this week’s savings, and he requests that i pick up the flyer to read before i start the shopping process. 

last week, i scored $58 in savings in one visit. yay me! however, i didn’t receive the $1 off coupon savings i’d handed them, so he sent me back to the store to request it for him. once again, i kid you not…..but i did it, and he received that dollar savings.

: )





wouldn’t it be sad if, at the end of our lives, we found out we are really all the same- with no outstanding uniqueness at all? 


Post trois

just to throw this out there, this blog is just kind of my view of things and how i process….oh, and I like to say, “just” a lot. 

it’s not intended to be maudlin as fuck,(as was my first post), but real, approachable, relate-able, and hopefully, a dash of amusing.

Second post 

  I applied for a position two weeks back….it actually would be a perfect fit and vice versa. But here’s the thing: I haven’t been in a large leadership role in about three years…..so, we’ll see. Honestly, I have great recs and have been working in the same field as the opening, so yeah, we’ll see….

I’m just super lucky that I could put writer in to fill those nasty gaps on the application….otherwise, in the “account for what you’ve been doing,” I would have felt compelled to put, “During this time, S. has played the fuck out of online mahjong, netting a 40 point performance increase. This far exceeds expectations due to the game is hard as shit.”

Hey, at least it’s not Candy Crush.

My first post

i hurt. i’ve hurt for at least 10 years. to meet me, you’d never know it….i haven’t told many people because my own family looks at me with disdain when i say, “i hurt.” 

“you always hurt,” is the response. yes, yes, i know. 

two years ago, i moved to my parents to help them briefly….but what was a temporary move is now stunted because ….. i hurt. 

i hear from well-meaning family members that it’s simply a lack of exercise. no, no, it’s not. i’m pretty much doing the best i can here….and it’d be great to have acknowledgement for that.

recently, like this week, i have found a source of the pain….apparently, i have nerve damage or compressed nerves by my spine. add to that, fibromyalgia. 

i don’t really know what fibromyalgia is, and to be honest, I don’t really care. I’ve already figured out this is a life sentence, but now I may have some tools to bring some peace to my body, as well as a term to provide to others, those who truly have a need to understand.

I’m hopeful, because at this moment, my life is at a standstill:

My best friend just got a publishing deal for her first and soon to be second book….I’m happy for her, but that was supposed to be me. However, you can’t get published if you don’t write. 

I’m not dating anyone….I’m too tired to look and I’m pretty sure my posting, “MBA, but sometimes part-time employed, overweight, never-married woman who lives with her parents wants a MAN.” 

uh, yeah, that’s gonna happen. luckily all the way around, I don’t like cats. otherwise, i might as well hang it up and adopt 29 of them now.

my friends have dropped me….or perhaps more accurately, i have dropped them. too many “i don’t feel well”s on my end. hell, I don’t blame them….i’d drop me, too, if i could.

and then there’s my mother. my mother who expects me to be perfect and is clearly disappointed by my decision to be in constant pain. 

“i had fibromyalgia when i was your age, but i got over it. hopefully, you will too, soon.”

she then suggested i look into gastric-bypass surgery, although seriously, i’m not that overweight.

“surely, that could take some pressure off your spine,” she said. “you should ask your doctor about that.”

“mom, people DIE from that surgery. it’s a big deal to have that done.”

“well, maybe that’s the chance you take instead of being in this pain.”

i’m not really sure what to make of that, perhaps i’d think there was absolute altruism in that heart of hers, if not for many years ago when she was excited how fabulous i looked and kept telling her friends….however, at six feet tall and 128 lbs, i was anorexic. 

she does have a point though….when do i say i can’t take this pain any longer? and what do i do? 

that answer is in front of me, but in a form of healing, i hope. another new start. i hope. 

yes, i hope.